Dear Lord Voldemort
by snarryislife
Summary: Letters to Lord Voldemort
1. Chapter 1

**Dear Lord Voldemort  
>snarryislife<strong>

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**This series of letters are stemed from my litter sister writing a letter to Voldemort and asking me to deliver it at the next Deatheater meeting. This is the letter she gave me. I did fix the spelling mistakes though. She's 6 and a half.**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort.<p>

Mommy says we have to be nice to everyone we meet. She says we have to complement everyone no matter how much we don't like them. So, Mommy told me that every morning when I wake up, I have to write a list of the people I want to compliment, and then compliment five people not on my list.

I put you on my list today, at the top, because you always look sad. When I'm sad, Mommy gives me a hug and a kiss and tells me everything will get better, did your mommy never do that foy you? So, I asked Kat to give you a hug and a kiss after you read this letter. She's my big sister, and when Mommy's at work, and I feel sad, or have an owie, Kat always makes me feel happy, and puts a band-aid on the owie.

You have pretty eyes. When I'm a big girl, I want pretty eyes like yours.

Love,  
>Judy<p>

* * *

><p><strong>If you want, put your letter to Lord Voldemort in a reveiw.<strong>

**Okay, readers, you guys need to start making pretty reveiws with some house names on them, so we can complete our race for the house cup. Winning house will vote on a pairing they want me to write a oneshot for!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**A reveiwer wrote this one.**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort:<p>

You completely, utterly, doubtlessly, suck. What type of a demented madman  
>(or Dark Lord) tortures his followers? You are really stupid. Go die in a<br>deep, dark pit.

Sincerely,

Someone who hates your guts

* * *

><p><strong>Don't Forget to send Letters In!<strong>

**Okay, readers, you guys need to start making pretty reveiws with some house names on them, so we can complete our race for the house cup. Winning house will vote on a pairing they want me to write a oneshot for!**


	3. Chapter 3

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**Ol3and3r wrote this one.**

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><p>House: Slytherin<p>

Letter:

Lord,

I offer myself completely into your service. I believe my intellect and skills may be useful to you in pursuit of your goals. I offer myself to you, because to me, no one can compare. While I have the ability and drive to make my own way, I wish to serve you and in turn achieve the greatness that can only be achieved with your guidance and instruction.

Your magic enthralls me. Your very presence emanates power. It would be my greatest honor to be made one of your own.

Already yours,

Oleander

* * *

><p><strong>Don't Forget to send Letters In!<strong>

**Okay, readers, you guys need to start making pretty reveiws with some house names on them, so we can complete our race for the house cup. Winning house will vote on a pairing they want me to write a oneshot for!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**Cheekylildevil wrote this one.**

**I giggled over this one. :)**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

I would just like to express my most heartfelt congratulations and gratitude for your attitude towards Mr H. Potter's continued education. By waiting until the end of each year before attempting to end his life, you have allowed him to attend most or all of his scheduled lessons and are therefore giving him a better chance on gaining a full education.

We here at the Department of Magical Education thank you for your consideration of the rights of all our young wizarding children to a strong educational background and wish you all the best in your future endeavours, assuming that they continue to support the ongoing education of our children.

Sincerely,

Mme. Evelyn Tritton

Director of Department of Magical Education

Ministry of Magic

Former Ravenclaw

* * *

><p><strong>Don't Forget to send Letters In!<strong>

**Okay, readers, you guys need to start making pretty reveiws with some house names on them, so we can complete our race for the house cup. Winning house will vote on a pairing they want me to write a oneshot for!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**Rosefeather wrote this one.**

**I giggled over this one. :)**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldermort,<p>

I beg of you, consider fixing your nose. And posibly growing hair.

Really, it's for your sake, my Lord.

~ Rosefeather

* * *

><p><strong>Don't Forget to send Letters In!<strong>

**Okay, readers, you guys need to start making pretty reveiws with some house names on them, so we can complete our race for the house cup. Winning house will vote on a pairing they want me to write a oneshot for!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from Emily Morrow, good job!**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort.<p>

When I see pictures of you in the old days, I always think: Damn he's handsome!

But now you look pretty... well... different.

And I was just wondering: why did you do this to yourself?

I mean it didn't work for Michael Jackson, so I really doubt it will work for you.

And you nose... have you really had so many operations that you don't have a nose anymore, or is that some kind of fetiche you have?

Sencerely,

A confused person.

* * *

><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	7. Chapter 7

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from my BFF,**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort.<p>

A long, long time ago, in a Galaxy far, Hogwarts was under an attack. So you plundered and killed, and blasted lasers from your wand. And a little kid like Luke, beat the shit out of you!

It didn't work for Darth Vader, Hitler, or The Sith Lords, why did you think it would work for you?

Sencerely,

The Force (accio!)

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	8. Chapter 8

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from a facebook user,**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort.<p>

Could you possibly attack on the day Professor Snape holds his finals?

Sincerely,

The-Gryffindor-Who-Didn't-Study

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	9. Chapter 9

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from a facebook user,**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort.<p>

You remember that tie you wanted dry-cleaned? Well, long story short, I took it to a muggle dry-cleaner, because they always get them cleaned betther than any magical dry-cleaners, and then you sent out a enturage of Deathearters, and they kind of burnt the dry-cleaners down... So yeah. Please, don't hunt me down and A.K. me, I'm writing this letter for a reason...

Sincerly,

Your-Once-Loyal-Servant-Who-Is-Now-Running-For-Their-Life

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	10. Chapter 10

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**I wrote this one, and standard disclaimers apply. DO NOT MEAN TO OFFEND ANYONE!**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Are you related to Michael Jasckson?

Because you both have skin problems, nose problems, and like to touch little boys.

Sincerly,

Not-going-to-give-my-name-for-fear-that-you-will-hunt-me-down-and-kill-me.

* * *

><p><strong>SEND IN YOUR LETTERS!<strong>


	11. Chapter 11

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**livetolaugh wrote this lovely one, I find it giggle worthy.**

* * *

><p>2011-10-03 . chapter 10<p>

Dear Lord Voldemort,

Couldn't you have just summoned clothes as soon as you got 'rebirth' ?I know i would feel pretty awkward if i was just standing their naked waiting for someone to robe me...And I'm pretty sure you left Harry mentally scarred forever .

-Didn't need to see that mental image...

* * *

><p><strong>SEND IN YOUR LETTERS!<strong>


	12. Chapter 12

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**Once more, I wrote this one.**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Umm, could you possibly kill Justin Beaber next?

Sincerly,

A real music listener

* * *

><p><strong>SEND IN YOUR LETTERS!<strong>


	13. Chapter 13

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**Love this! From ipodrocker16**

* * *

><p>Not-So-Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Hey there. I have a question: what are you the Lord of? Your parents weren't lords or ladies, and you aren't married (I wonder why.). It's not like you're rich and have your own kingdom or something. You don't even have a house. Just hanging around at the Malfoys all the time. So should we call you Mr. Voldemort? Big V? The V-Man? Tommy? Or do you have a Phd, Doctor Voldemort?

Not-So-Sincerely,

The Not-So-Evil ipodrocker16.

* * *

><p><strong>SEND IN YOUR LETTERS!<strong>


	14. Chapter 14

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from avatarluv97**

**This one makes me laugh**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

I noticed that while you were in your awkward 'less than a person, but not quite dead' stage, you were drinking milk from Nagini. I'm rather confuzzled as to how you did this; does she have an udder like a cow, or is it like a breastfeeding type thing, or what? I swear, you better not have done anything unsavory to that snake- it's animal abuse!

Sincerely,

I'll-Freaking-Call-The-ASPCA-On-You-Bitch

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	15. Chapter 15

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from Silver'ssong. This is hilarious.**

* * *

><p>Dear ,<p>

You are invited to the annual Ugly-evil-guy convention. Pay 5 Galloens and get a chance to win a nose job and/or hair transplant.

Best Wishes,

All-the -other-evil-dudes

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	16. Chapter 16

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from FlyingHigh11. I was slightly disturbed by the mental picture. But great letter!**

* * *

><p>Dear Master<p>

I LUV U MY LORD VOLDYYYYYY! KILL DOLPHY AND MARRY ME! I WANT TO HAVE YOUR VOLDYTRIXES!

Love Bellatrix, your most loyal (and beautiful) servant.

P.S Go upstairs and look in your wardrobe. There is a surprise for you ;)

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	17. Chapter 17

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from KatiekkxD**

* * *

><p>Dear Moldywart,<p>

Okay, don't you think it's just a tad stalkerish to follow annd want to kill every second of everyday an 11 year old boy? Arn't you like as old as Dumbledore? And why does the world believe that your so powerful in fact, nobody but a ONE YEAR OLD could defeat you. Siriusly, when you think about it, it's kind of pathetic for the light side. And what's up with the crap of living forever? Living forever means pain and suffering smart one so wouldn't it just be smart to DIE! Oh, and I heard about your relationship with Squirrel! I hope you two are happy together. Living, on each other, on the same body... Now that I think about it arn't you having sex every minute or something...Okay, You can kill me now.

A-completely-grossed-out-Gryffindor.

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	18. Chapter 18

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one comes from MermaidGirl34**

* * *

><p>Dear Tommy BoyV Dog/Fattymort/Moldyshorts

So I've been talking to a couple of your deepest darkest enemies and we've noticed you've been having some hair troubles. We have a few suggestions for you. You could a) use one of those amazing hair growth formulas they always have the commercials on TV for or b) get a wig like Snape's since he has the best hair ever and some people think is the only reason you killed him or c) get an Elvis wig or the last option d) grow Justin BiIeber hair so you can do the hair flip. Chicks dig the hair flip. Just some ideas that you can- and trust me you really should- take into account.

Sincerely, Someone who thinks you need at least somethin up there

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	19. Chapter 19

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**I had a frikin laughing fit on this one. THANK-YOU PRINCESSGINGER13! (She is amazing)**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldiepoo,<p>

I really miss spending time with you. The children are growing so big and have no idea that you are their real daddy. Who would have thought that you of all people would sire such beautiful red haired children. I admit that Ron got messed up somewhere, but Ginny is just gorgeous, don't you think? Anyway sweetums, I just wanted to let you know that I miss you and am always thinking of you.

Your forever Gryffindor lover,

Molly Weasley

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	20. Chapter 20

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one is from an anonymus reveiwer**

* * *

><p>Whatsup? Sorry about last battle when I told u to go die in a hole. I forgive u for killing my parents. Anyway weneed to hang ASAP!<p>

Your frienmy,

Harry Potter 

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	21. Chapter 21

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one is from an anonymus reveiwer**

* * *

><p>Dear Master,<p>

You are invited to the wedding of me and Nigini. We will be related, isn't that great my Lord!

Your faithful servent,

Wormtail

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	22. Chapter 22

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one is from an meglovesklaine.**

** Sorry about the typo last one, it comes from KatiekkxD. **

* * *

><p>Dear Voldemort,<p>

So your life sucks. So does mine. Difference is,

I'm dealing. You're going absolutely batshit crazy.

Sincerely,

I'm dealing

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	23. Chapter 23

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**This one is from The electric phantom**

**...I feel slightly relieved that Im not the only person who watches the New Electic Comapny. **

* * *

><p>Dear Voldething,<p>

WHY DID YOU KILL MAD-EYE? Remember, remember the fifth of November. The day the Fluxcabasinator was made! By the way, when you were a kid did Carol Burnett, Tim Curry, and Bernadettte Peters try to kill you too?

From,

The Most Epic Hufflepuff That There Will Ever Be Who Watches The New Electric Company

* * *

><p><strong>Keep sending these in!<strong>


	24. Chapter 24

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**OMFG THIS IS GIGGLE WORTHY! Thank you KatiekkxD!**

* * *

><p>Dear Dark Lord,<p>

Can I join your Death Eaters? I wanted to seem more 'manly'! Even though I believe my sparkle is very manly. I think I could be very useful considering that I'm a fairy- I mean, vampire.

Please contact me ASAP,

Edward Cullen

* * *

><p><strong>SEND IN YOUR LETTERS!<strong>


	25. Chapter 25

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**I've decided to open this up for letters that I find amusing, funny, creepy, sick, slashy, ect.**

**Which basically all of them.**

**I wrote this one.**

* * *

><p> Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

I was wondering if you knew how hypocritical it is to want to destroy all half-bloods, muggle-borns, pure-bloods of different ideas, and all those who do not follow you; and even then this point is debatable. You see, your plan, to completely destroy a child, and rule the world, cannot be possible at all without the economic support of all those who you deem beneath you. Our economy is in shambles, and, you could take over the world in this situation; but your playing with people's money. When you play with people's money, people start to get mad, and madder, and then beyond furious, and then, you start having revolts on your hands; or the Americans come in and start betting the shit out of you, and then they'll get China and Russia with them, and then they'll drag in the middle eastern world, and then the right-wing terrorist parties' leaders will see you as a threat to their monopoly on Eastern oil and society, so they'll ally with the Americans, and the U.S. citizens who are fans of Japan and Japanese Anime, Manga, and music will send pleas to Japan, and then you've got Japan on their side, and then, France will see this as an opportunity to ridicule our Mother Country England, and then, we will be in a mess bigger than anything we can handle. It hasn't worked for any other person, muggle or magical, when they tried taking over the world; and, it won't work for you.

Also, the reason your cloths never returned from the dry cleaners, nor the aid you sent them with is because the cloths were at a muggle dry-cleaners, the very same one in Little Whining, Surrey, who's prices are cheaper then those in Little Haggelton, that was destroyed in an attempt to kid-nap Potter.

Sincerely,

Your financial adviser and personal secretary.

P.S. The DNA test came back. You know that woman you had a fling with for a few months a while back. Yes, your feeling that your missing something is completely legititiment; she did become pregnant with a son. Congratulations my lord, your the proud father of Harry Potter, only son of Lily Potter nee Evans.


	26. Chapter 26

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**I've decided to open this up for letters that I find amusing, funny, creepy, sick, slashy, ect.**

**Which basically all of them.**

**IlsditJ'aifoule is the author of this one**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord V.<p>

Next time you decide to open up that Chamber of Secrets, d'you think you could petrify a ghost we actually hate (cough,cough, Binns)? Are you taking ideas for possible victims? Pehaps you could leave a suggestion box outside the girl's toilets...

Sincerley

A-Gryffindor-Who-Wants-A-Living-History-Of-Magic-Teacher


	27. Chapter 27

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

**To the many people who have put me on their watch list, how come I have less reviews. Authors heart reviews, even if its only, "good story." It gives us a feeling inside that people do care about us, that we are worth the words we put down, the endless hours laying awake in insomnia with ideas swirling around. That we too can do something great.**

**So please, join the Review Revolution, and Review an Author today.**

**Today's letter came from Element's Sole Protector **

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

While I would enjoy joining your force and making evil Muggles wet their pants, the fact that you are constantly troubled and defeated by an adolescent boy is putting me off of your cause-and, let's face it, also you. Please endeavor to fix this glaring weakness.

Sincerely,

Element's Sole Protector (masking as Vivien Fields, a bored former Ravenclaw


	28. Chapter 28

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

**This letter is in response to a Dear Santa letter. Please go read Dear Santa, which is another story of mine.**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

I did receive your letters. You have stopped killing so many people, so I might give you a present.

Please though, I am a child friendly head elf. Stopping asking me to send you a naked Harry Potter with a bow.

Fruit cake...no body likes fruit cake, Lord Voldemort.

I will send you germex to get rid of Bellatrix. She is a germ after all.

Love,

Santa (Your father)


	29. Chapter 29

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

**G-L-I-M-M-E-R-ESSENCE **

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Moldywarts,<p>

See, you really shouldn't spend every second of your life trying to kill Harry Potter.

It was because his mummy loved him so much that he lived, and it's becasue your lover is a creepy bitch who needs medical attention!

Sincerily,

Hermione Weasley.


	30. Chapter 30

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

**DarkHeiressOfAwesomeness wrote this**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

I went to the DNA thingie yesterday, and found out that I am your daughter! But get this, Bellatrix is my Mum! Wow, not looking foward to seeing what Roudolph (or what ever his frigging name is) Lestrange is going to do to you... I mean, his wife did get laid by you... you really should have used a condem, ya know. Anywho, hows the battle going with Harry? Last I heard he kind of killed you. And Molly Weasley killed Mum so yeah, I don't really feel like losing another parent. I'll go check the paper to see when her funeral is! *checks* oooohhhhh you ain't going to like this, Dad... seems there wont be a funeral... BTW, I decided to become the new Dark Lord/ese in your place. Potter better watch his famous ass, cause I'm going to murder him, slowly and painfully! Love ya!

Sincerly,

Your-super-crazy-awesome-daughter


	31. Chapter 31

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Next time you decided to purge the world of Muggles, can you not do it so violently?

Sincerely,

The-street-sweeper-who-works-for-minimum-wage


	32. Chapter 32

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Your feet stink, take a shower.

Love,

Nagini


	33. Chapter 33

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Why did you have to kill Cedric? Now I have to deal with Edward, and I liked it a whole lot better when I wasn't doing stupid shit to make the guy feel better about himself. And he fucking sparkles.

My goldfish used to sparkle.

Then he was eaten by a piranha.

Just kill the bastard and I'll take the werewolf Weasley off your hands. Merlin knows the dick wads here in forks are nothing more than huge puppies.

Sincerely,

Bella-Swan-who-is-wondering-why-Stephanie-Meyer-had-to-bitch-with-her-life


	34. Chapter 34

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

**From Anonymoose, this is epic.**

* * *

><p>Dear Voldemort,<p>

Tom, you'd better be taking my advice! I don't CARE if you're a insane megalomaniac bent on killing more than half of the world's population, or a seven-year-old girl with a rainbow pony unicorn pet with pink sparkly eyes, you'd better be listening to me! I, your esteemed colleague and doctor, believe that you are postponing your medical check-ups because of "work issues"- aka trying to kill that Harry Potter personage, far to often. You are to come to my office on Tuesday at 5:00 sharp- and you'd better not be, say, dueling with Dumbledore in the Ministry of Magic while trying to collect a prophecy! Also, please consider trying the plastic surgery option- I know a great one, you'll love him. I mean, c'mon, Tom, we both know you aren't getting any ladies with THAT nose (or lack thereof)! Also, you know that "Locks for Love" nonsense? You might want to look into that as well. Also, I heard at a tavern that the Order of the Phoenix is in Denmark, Australia, China, and Canada. One weirdo also said it was in number 12, Grimmauld Place, but I think that's hogwash, and the man was too drunk to properly be trusted.

Yours truly,

Doctor D. W. Slytherin


	35. Chapter 35

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

**From Percy W, this is epic. (Wow, this sounds like Politicians I know!)**

* * *

><p>Dear Mr. Riddle,<p>

I do not understand why you requested a world-wide manhunt for Mr. H. Potter. As you have given me a fair "donation" of money as well, we will immediately do so, no matter what. Your bribe- I mean, promised amount of cash to be given when this is finished- is going to come securely and secretly, correct? Otherwise I won't get that solid gold diamond-studded swimming pool- I mean, the Ministry of Magic could use this to very good purposes.

Your worried, corrupt Ministry worker (aren't we all corrupt?),

Percy Weasley


	36. Chapter 36

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Alrighty, its getting close to Christmas, and, we all know what that means!**

**This author is willing to get stuff out to you guys!**

**Deviously Fiendfyre gave us this lovely present**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Have you ever wondered why you're so obsessed with Harry Potter? I mean it's kinda obvious that you have Wrackspurts around your head. And your Nargles are simply atrocious.

Sincerely,

Luna Lovegood

P.S. By the way you can get Wrackspurt and Nargle repellant from ordering through the magazine 'The Quibbler'. Just a helpful hint.


	37. Chapter 37

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**I broke my hand :(**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

You didn't text back

Sincerely,

Umbridge Bitch


	38. Chapter 38

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**I broke my hand :(**

**From VoldeyGrrl1, I was slightly disturbed...**

* * *

><p>My dearest Lord,<p>

I love your work! I am your awesomest fan and lover. I was your follower BEFORE you were famouse and AFTER you were good looking. I want to run my fingers over your gorgeous bald head, and look deeply into you blood-red eyes. My friends say I don' t have a chance in h&$ with you, but I know we were meant to be! Does dear Bella keep your newspaper clippings under her pillow as she sleeps? I think not.

Petrify Bellatrix and call me.

Luv,

Mrs. Emma Marvolo Riddle (nee _)


	39. Chapter 39

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**I broke my hand :(**

**From WhyJayTeeSee, even bad guys need love :) **

* * *

><p>31st December 2011<p>

Dear Lord Voldemort (Tom),

Happy Birthday.

Sincerely,

Ginny Weasley


	40. Chapter 40

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**Snarryislife**

**This letter is from The Electric Phantom**

**Currently, I'm using a school computer to post this, so, updates on everything else will have to wait for my laptop to get fixed. Sadly, its a Toshiba, so, what might happen is I get a new computer and simply dump the hard drive.**

* * *

><p>Dear Mr. Voldemort,<p>

We at St. Mungo's would like you to come in for a little while. We believe that with our special Sexy-You-Up potion, we can make you even better then what Mum remembers. She also says thanks for killing our neighbor;he was so totally stalking us.

From,

That creepy Ravenclaw who got an internship


	41. Chapter 41

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**Snarryislife**

**Currently, I'm using a school computer to post this, so, updates on everything else will have to wait for my laptop to get fixed. Sadly, its a Toshiba, so, what might happen is I get a new computer and simply dump the hard drive.**

* * *

><p>Dear Tom,<p>

I am very dissapointed in you son. Very.

Love,

Your Mother


	42. Chapter 42

**Dear Voldemort**

**Snarryislife**

**Currently, I'm using a school computer to post this, so, updates on everything else will have to wait for my laptop to get fixed. Sadly, its a Toshiba, so, what might happen is I get a new computer and simply dump the hard drive.**

**This letter is written by DanniellePotter**

* * *

><p>Dear Voldemort,<p>

Look, I'm going to be honest with you here. You suck dude, you need to sit the hell down in a corner and hope people don't notice you! I mean, what kind of 'Dark Lord' are you? My grandmother is more of a badass.

You're about as scary as a toothpick. I mean, you prance around in nothing but a robe (flasher much?) and even my youngest brother has noticed you're a tad on the camp side, that why you are so angry? Scared of what's outside the closet dear?

Man up toothpick.

Not-So-Sincerely

Former Gryffindor, Dannielle Potter (No relation sadly)


	43. Chapter 43

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**I wrote this one in response to having to put together a portfolio for graduation. I still can't find any of my freshmen reflection paper.**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

The next time that you need to have your pet rat kill someone, can it not be the particularly good finder?

Sincerely,

a Slytherin Seventh Year (Potter-more said so)


	44. Chapter 44

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**hermione-amelia-rose1479 **

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

Hello, I am called the Master, you may remember me from the conference a couple years back. Anyway, i believe you have a death eater named Barty Crouch jr, he looks and awful lot like my frenemy; The Doctor (who coincedentally looks like David Tennant). I think you should get him as your poster boy, to help get more followers, i think the ladies will certainly be lining up. Darth Vader sends his regards, we cant wait to see you at the latest meeting, It's at Borgin and Burkes

Hoping for an alliance,

The Master

ps: I think it's nice that you are targeting a 17 year-old without a machine that can travel through time and space, it makes things hell-of-a-lot easier


	45. Chapter 45

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**Rwy'n-Y-Blaidd-Drwg **

* * *

><p>Dear Mr. Voldemort,<p>

This is Isabella Shepard from Girlscout troop 44644. We noticed that you haven't sent in your annual order of cookies. Why? Aren't cookies the only way you got people to join "The Dark Side?"

There's only a week left for orders, so please send your form ASAP. Remember what happened last time you were too late?...

Your cookie supplier,

Isabella Shepard

P.S. Have you just given up? Because that's no reason to not order cookies. I reeeeeally want the bike this year. It's pink, with streamers, AND a basket! A BASKET! Please order! :)


	46. Chapter 46

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**This was born from my hate of Dr. Phill. Really, some people don't need counseling, they need a good punch in the face.**

* * *

><p>Dear Tom,<p>

I must say, anger management must really be working out for you.

Sincerely,

Dr. Phill


	47. Chapter 47

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

This is a courtesy letter stating that you own 336.79 galleons for your subscription to Evil Lovers Weekly (property of Harlequin Romance Inc.)

Enclosed is directions on how to pay your bill.

Sincerely,

Damsel Indistress

Sales Assosciate


	48. Chapter 48

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**From LoliBat**

* * *

><p>Dear Voldemort,<p>

It's been five months since I sent that letter to you, and you still haven't replied. Snape is still alive and still gave his final. I'm blaming my bad grade on your inability to off Professor Snape in a timely manner. Also, don't you know that it's rude not to reply to letters? Tsk tsk. Would it kill you to at least reply with a memo or something?

Sincerely

That-Gryffindor-who-Didn't-Study


	49. Chapter 49

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**HEY! Guess what! Voldemort's finally started writing back! Go check out Dear Letter Writters! Part of the Dear Series! (Dear Lord Voldemort, Dear Santa, Dear Letter Writters (By the way, that is purposely misspelled)) **


	50. Chapter 50

**Dear Lord Voldemort**

**snarryislife**

**Standard Disclaimers Apply**

**HEY! Guess what! Voldemort's finally started writing back! Go check out Dear Letter Writters! Part of the Dear Series! (Dear Lord Voldemort, Dear Santa, Dear Letter Writters (By the way, that is purposely misspelled))**

**This one is sent in by: hermione-amelia-rose1479**

* * *

><p>Dear Lord Voldemort,<p>

You have applied for our 'Mother's Club' knitting sessions. Would you like a free copy of our magazine ?

*Contents*

*Knit your own beanie*  
>*Our Trendy Scarfs*<br>*Basic Patterns*  
>*RED AND GOLD SPECIAL* *It's The trend*<p>

Your members include: Peter Pettigrew, Bellatrix Lestrange, Lucius Malfoy, Albus Dumbledore, Delores Umbridge

-Love from the Mother's Club head, Marigold Whirp


End file.
